Who am i? what do I want? Where do I want to go? Not the ramblings of an 18 year old but the musings of an about to be 35 year old single mother.. so how do I bracket myself.. am I single, am I a mother only, am I a good worker not necessarily successful in her career.. lately what I see and feel are a lot of what ifs? What if I had studied literature and psychology and not biological science.. would the study of mind have helped figure mine and the rest of the world than the study of the body ever did or would I still be at the same place twice over?
What if I had not been so enamored by the idea of marriage..what if it was not based on Romcoms and based on practicality, wud I have been happily married rather than divorced..what if I had given my GRE instead of working What if I hadn’t gotten in the cab where I met my ex-husband..what if I had listened to my gut and not married him? What if if I hadn’t decided to that a baby was the answer to all my marital problems…
I need an answer to the “what if’s”? a dream maybe or a sign from the Universe or as they say spiritual enlightenment.. I might not be sitting and meditating all day but I guess I am at the right age, with enough of the life transforming questions, to have the universe sit up and make a note of all these questions.. The answers should be easy , considering it’s a question that must have been asked a zillion times already.. Or are there no answers to that ever? Is it our mind playing tricks or is it the sweet escape of a mid life crisis?
All I hope is that at 70, I know the answers of most of the what ifs?
Well ,”what if” I never live till 70?