2016; The year in which I stop enabling my own pain

 

2016

I have spent the last year and a half enabling my own pain, a pain so acute that it takes away one’s breath, so acute is the pain that it crushes the soul especially, when all you’ve done is become ignorant of some aspects of your life. So 2016 will be the year when I begin to acknowledge that I can sometime be the cause of my own pain and that I shall and will not ever be the reason for hurting me

Trusting someone is good, but blind faith is detrimental to ones own self worth. I trusted people who then used the information to get back at me. words don’t mean a thing, even when someone gets down on one knee and speaks of fortitude .Fortitude requires faith, in a person and more than that in our own ability to become that person who can be courageous when the other person is not. Love like that happens once in a lifetime and to let it go is prolonging the longing of the soul. I hope I am able to understand why it is that if things are not meant to be, why do people or events happen in the first place. is it so important that we learn lessons every step of the way and why am I the chosen one to partake all of life’s painful lessons. 2016, perhaps will be the year where the curtain rises over the mystery of some of the painful experiences. I learned in this year that life teaches us some karmic lessons which is one in a lifetime lesson, you face it, learn from it and then move on. The lesson that gets you by your spirit are the ones that follow a pattern, say bad relationships, bad bosses, etc etc and those patterns have to be broken and thats where the real challenge is, to break patterns that seem to define us. 2016, will be the year when I finally break free of some of these.

2016 will also be the year when I wont miss anyone, I have spent my entire life missing that somebody and perhaps its just that I am missing being with myself. completeness within me , with me is what I have to find and be in this year. I am  a mother and somewhere I forgot that, I fought hard to be a perfect mother for 7 years and then I just let things be. Motherhood and being a parent is a life long contract, one that I signed willingly. Someone had to come into my life to show me that maybe I had let things slide, that I wasn’t focusing on being the parent that I should be, despite that person being a shallow human being, his words had depth.

So in 2016, my resolution is to be the person I have always been but these could be some of the milestones of my journey

  1. I am a person who loves her body, with all its flaws, the stretch marks that tells me I brought life into this world and yet I promise to cherish this body which helps me stay active and perform the myriad roles of life.
  2. I am going to run, away from societal conformation about how I should lead my life or mould myself, I will run away from negativity and people who dont make me happy. I will send them my prayers but not let them suck up my energy.
  3. I will also become the runner, signing up for Pinkathon is the first step, there are many trails to follow this year.
  4. I am going to write, even if its a word a day , I  will still write the story that is not letting me sleep, word by word, day by day, everyday in 2016
  5. I will be a great employee because I will love and cherish my work, for it sustains me financially and hopefully will sustain my soul too
  6. I will not trust people when they speak, I will watch their actions and most importantly judge them only by how they make me feel about myself, that is going to be a yardstick for all my interactions this year
  7. I am going to be truly, and not just theoretically grateful for who I am, what I have and while i will be content with what I have , I will not be content with what I am, because there is so much to learn and so much to discover about myself.Maybe i will learn to paint, or play an instrument but I will try something  out of the ordinary
  8. I am going to travel, solo, with my daughter and other mommies, nit just in my thoughts, but this time the virgin beaches will reverberate with the laughter of girl bonding and unbridled joy.
  9. I am going to unabashedly be “Me” this year and will not be ashamed of  who I am. I am a lovely child of the universe and that is enough for me to be proud about. No-one else gets to define my role in my own life, because this year I will be the director, actor and producer of my life’s very authentic movie
  10. And lastly, this will be the year when I will not enable my own pain. I will protect my heart, and trust my intuition because my heart will now walk hand in hand with my brain and my instincts and I will always keep the communication channel with myself open this year.And I will be my own and my daughters  favorite person too

This year will finally be the year of No Pain and All gains.

Happy New Beginnings Everyone