It’s that time of the year, in fact the very last day of the year and like most people I am not at a disco partying or even at a house party. Well it’s by choice and I am perfectly happy being in this space, where everything comes back to Me…2016 was the year when I wanted to be able to stop enabling my own pain and well in the most amazing, unplanned way the plan just fell into place. I almost did get myself to the brink of the pain abyss and yet something or someone pulled me out of the edge at the last minute. And tonight I want to thank those physical beings whom I know as my circle of friends and my family and the ethereal beings whose presence I have felt, esp. at the loneliest times. 2016 BTW was instrumental in re-introducing me to the most awesome person I have met , someone who is strong yet vulnerable, has a big heart and a non-judgmental mind, and that person was right within me, all along, just that I was so busy looking for company elsewhere, that I didn’t really meet the real “Me” until the very moment that there was no one else but Me, Myself and I .Boy and am I amazed at how amazing I am? Absolutely. I do love myself, not in the narcissistic way, but definitely in a manner which says ” you’re a human being, you are flawed, you make mistakes , and yet you own them, you work through them and most of the time you find your way out of the pain, and for that I love you”. It took me most of my 20’s and a major part of my 30’s to figure this one out.. I am “Me”, I am my own person and I am just fine with who I am. I am open to suggestions but only when they come from a place of love, nothing else will do for me, Not Now, Not Ever!
2017 is also the year in which I will turn 40, don’t really have a witty slogan like naughty at 40 to ascribe to, but I do have a few things on my mind. Things such as
- I will continue to Run -towards a healthier, stronger and much fitter version of me. I will not care about the number of races I run, what timings I make. I will care about the act of running which makes me feel invincible, and that’s worth quite a lot to me.
- I will lessen my daily commute: so perhaps I need to be doing something that allows me to do that
- I will travel to New destinations-Alone, with my kid and with my friends
- I am going to put my thoughts on paper and hopefully on a website too
- I will read more books than just hoard them: 1 book per week is going to be my targer
- I will manage my finances and I will stop saying how much I hate doing that, I cannot love money and not know how to manage it
- I will respect my boundaries and will have no-one break the inner sanctum
- I will allow love of the romantic kinds to enter my life, through books and poetry, movies and people and yet I will not be consumed by it
- I will get to know myself a bit more, I will be kind to myself and I will trust my intuition
- I will meet new people and continue to enjoy the company of old friends
- I will find and do the work that not only sustains me but one which I love and which allows me to travel and meet new people.
- I will listen to my kind of music, classical, jazz and contemporary and dance to most of it
- In moments of doubt, I will remember what Oprah, Liz Gilbert and Glenon Doyle Melton said, I will “be Still” and wait the next step to reveal itself and I will trust in that moment
- I will sleep and rest and exercise better
- I will be unapologetic about my eccentricities because that’s part of my awesomeness too 🙂
- I will enjoy my solitude, and look for ways to not feel lonely but I will be ok doing absolutely nothing on some days
- I will be a better listener to all that my kid has to say, listen to her, not just hear her out, I will look in her eyes and be present when she is talking to me, and I will not be looking at my phone or laptop when we are together. I want to gift her and myself the present moment.
- and I am going to be grateful and happy or at least less sad in 2017, because hey, in the end nothing else matters