The Circle Of Life

When you go away,you leave a black hole
Which seems to last forever deep within my soul
There is no light or sunshine there
pain and hopelessness finds me everywhere
I see myself through eyes unclear, misty from all the tears
the despair is for all to see, the weight of which only I seem to bear
The tears dry up slowly, the pain lingers on
I wonder if I can ever move on
from you, from us, from our shared oblivion
And yet I am here today,a little less jaded, and still unsure
of people, of feelings, of my own fears
but what I do know, is that life will go on,
people come to go away to places unknown
and yet life lingers on
from yesterday to today to tomorrow, the world revolves
I am sometimes in its center and sometimes I’m not
So letting you go wasnt my choice,
you see I never really did choose to fall in or out of love with you
And yet I did and so I am here, at the crossroads once more
wondering what turn to make that once again doesnt break
my heart or faith, which is not so fake
I think Ill wait for a sign this time from some unknown entity
maybe it will be the fictitious god or an angel which shows the way

The Tree with One Leaf

leaf

There was only one leaf left on that tree and yet the tree seemed intent on growing and breathing, how can something so dead still yearn to bloom and live?.. so much like my heart, one that had been broken a million times, most recently a month ago and yet it waited to bloom again, to feel the emotions that I had promised I would never feel again. it takes two people to start a relationship and sometimes just one, to break it, leaving the other person grappling with the why’s and how’s.. this self-inflicted pain grows roots into the very being of one’s existence, memories that you would have thought were boxed in some corner of your mind become so much more brighter and vivid.. you even remember the soft sound of the person’s footsteps, the tone and lilt of their voice becomes sharper and  clearer, much more than when you were with them in that past moment. The touch of their hand on your skin feels warmer and leave a mark not only on the epidermis of your skin ,but it reaches the veins below them too..the visceral pain , the feeling of hopelessness, the pain body engulfs you in ways that only pain that is borne out of love can. And yet, time passes, moments become longer portions of time that you are not constantly thinking about that person, because you realize that every time you’re in pain you’re further from self-love. I realize that the essence of who one is, lies not in duality of being but in the singularity of being with oneself.

just like the tree with the single leaf, you believe that, that one leaf is sign enough that the tree is alive, that there is sap running through its many veins and the roots run deep into the earth, to balance and provide support to the tree which has lost all but that one leaf. Leaflets will grow, maybe in a few days or months but the fact that the tree stands there makes me want to balance myself too. my roots lie in my resilience, my support system, my family and friends . My heart is healing because that’s what people like us do, we use our mind to fix our hearts , by observing and drawing meaning from the tree with that one leaf..