My Daughter– My Friend, My Teacher

mom n daughte

I was on an official call @9.30 PM, well past my 6 year old’s bedtime and yet she was awake, while I tried to reason with her on the logic of sleeping , with her grandfather reading out her bedtime story. So she looks at me and tells me that she would sleep only with me around and it didn’t really matter whether I was taking a call , what mattered to her ,was my presence and the knowledge that I was around..And I acquiesced to her little person point of view, which is as simple as doing things which make her “Happy“; ego hassles, a better prospect , reason, does not really stand a chance to the choices of her little big heart..

Being a single mom, I find myself second guessing a lot, While Indian society has now made some adjustments to include divorces and single parent’s in its embrace, there is much left to be done in terms of perceptions. Frankly, I’ve never bothered about perceptions, If I did I would have probably not taken the first step towards becoming free from a terrible married life, but I do wonder about how it has impacted my kid.

I have always worried about providing for her, but lately I’ve begun to realize that she has come with a mission of her own, In her little mind she is a princess who deserves only the best and while the rest of us our battling with the theories of the Law of Attraction, she’s already set her intention and effortlessly manifested what is best for her.. So maybe its the other way around, I go where her life takes her, and since that little insight , pointed out by a spiritually oriented friend, life’s been a little easier to manage.

While she is only 6, my daughter, has taught me to nurture my inner child by letting go and having fun, not just once in a while but everyday.Through her many illnesses and her tenacity she has made me resilient. In her world “Hope” is not a word to fall back on but strong intention is..her child like curiosity and her ability to love unconditionally has been an elixir to all who know her, me the most.

She makes me want to be a better person, she has made me get help when I was falling apart because of all the negative emotions ; I wanted to make only happy memories with her and being depressed wasn’t the way to get that done. She tells me how she loves me the way I am, in her eyes I am perfect and getting healthier everyday, and I do.I exercise because I want to run around the park with her, looking good is just an added advantage. She tells me that she  used to get sad when other children spoke about their father, but then she tells the very kids, that she is super lucky, she has a superwoman for her mother, that her mother is also her father, you see, she goes to work and takes care of home too..And she acknowledges her father who abandoned her and wishes him the best.. It’s because of her that I could finally let go all the hurt and pain that her father caused me, how could I pretend to hate her origin and still say that I am loving to her, she was the reason I healed..

I am grateful today that she chose me as her mother and I promise her that I will become the best I can be , as a woman, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend  and most of all as a Mother, after all I have the best teacher to learn from– My six year old “daughter friend”( as she likes to call herself) ..


The Art of doing “Nothing”

I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
Jerry Seinfeld ”

So Jerry said it and it might actually be true that doing Nothing ,absolutely nothing is actually worth doing something about

I happen to read and for once digest an article in some obscure journal about the benefits of doing “absolutely nothing” for 10 whole minutes every single day.. Adds up to roughly 300 minutes of nothingness in a month, that’s 3600 minutes in a year, that’s a total of 60 hours, the equivalent of two and  half days of no brain activity..easier said than done , if you are someone like me.What is it about being busy and doing something even if its nonsensical that gives us this sense of accomplishment. “I have been so busy” is probably more of a conversation starter these days, than “How are you?”.. its the effect on the other person that the word “busy” usually has, the looks that the other person throws at you of awe and extols you as a wonder-woman, a super efficient person, who actually knows how to keep busy.

So, I decided to take the ” do -nothing” test for a difficult could it be? 10 mins isn’t that long, especially when you have an alarm to remind you to get busy after your ten minutes are up. Well, like I said , easier said than done, 30 seconds into the first 10 minutes, I am wondering if the alarm is set, I check my phone and see a message on my messenger, I decide that Ill just read the message and not do anything about it, that way technically I wasn’t breaking any rules..Well the message was from my favorite shopping destination offering limited period discounts.. So I tried to not think about all the stuff I wanted to buy, for the remainder of the now 8 minutes…but the mind usually has a mind of its own, it wanders through aisles, and I keep telling it that we are taking a break from action of any kind… theres no music or TV or a book..I now decide to focus on my breath, and I wonder if i should meditate, but thats an activity too… Then I contemplate on how I can do nothing for the next 5 minutes…how can one not think, or dream or plan or dissect the day, how does one actually do nothing?? I’m still wrestling with no thought-no action idea when the alarm rings and rescues me for the day..

those were the longest 10 minutes of my life…and also the most tiring too, just stopping myself from doing anything was a task of a lifetime..and needless to say I never could get back to completing the task, one of the many that I end up leaving half way, you see I am a busy busy person who is multitasking all day..

However, I’m also an optimist, Im still looking for ways to do nothing, while blogging and  listening to music and speaking to a friend on the phone.. Mr. Seinfield, I need your inputs.. I want to do Nothing…someday…